Zorro is a dull blade amongst heroes

The Legend of Zorro (2005)
Sony Pictures presents a Martin Campbell film, starring Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Written Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio. 129m. PG for sequences of violence/peril and action, language and a couple of suggestive moments.

1.5 stars

Those who own Zorro could do no greater disservice to their titular character than to try and resuscitate him these days.

The modern mindset can barely comprehend the swashbuckling hero of the former Spanish California. Lost in translation – or in our cynicism – is the glorious opportunity for escapism in the character’s fight against injustice.

You’ll be lost trying to apply 21st century logic to this fantasy world. A brief example: Zorro (Antonio Banderas) has approximately six sword fights with insurgents, who choose the blade over the revolver saddled to their hips. It’s maddening. Has anyone won a fairly contested sword fight with Zorro in 80 years?

That’s saying nothing of the plot, which would be a grievous insult if the writers were asking the audience to take the film seriously. After successfully protecting the right of Californians to join their Union comrades in seeking statehood, Zorro follows the trail of Armand (Rufus Sewell), a wealthy Aristocrat and vineyard owner. While both men swear similar allegiances publicly, Zorro remains suspicious that Armand’s individual interests will trump his desire to see California united with the northern force.

Don Alejandro’s marauding as Zorro has created tension within the de la Vega household, as former wife-in-arms, Elena (Catherine Zeta-Jones), pushes for the pair to settle down with their precocious son, Joaquin (Adrian Alonso). But soon it’s Elena who is recruited for espionage, working in tandem with Alejandro to infiltrate Armand’s winery.

Of course Zorro’s hunches are right; Armand has far more nefarious plans that doubling the markup on his Bordeaux. Why he would go to the trouble of creating a fully operational winery, which must have cost thousands in start up expenses, is a plot hole never addressed amongst the swordplay and land grabbing.

The intent of “Legend” was to complement the cheeky banter between feisty lovers with generous helpings of action. But it’s the couple’s mischievous son who steals scenes instead, exhibiting a level of naïve recklessness that young children will identify with. However, you may find yourself poking the little ones awake as the film creeps past the two-hour mark.

It’s one of the flaws embedded in the setup. The film soft-pedals its violence for a family-friendly PG rating but becomes so detail orientated in its plot that the fight against injustice will largely be lost on its intended audience.

Zorro is one of the most fair-minded protagonists. He does not recklessly kill or intentionally maim. But as far as this year’s superheroes, he’s not nearly as conflicted as Bruce Wayne, unique as the Fantastic Four, or powerful as Anakin Skywalker. His world lacks the panache of “Sin City” or the unique vision of “Robots.” We’re asked to root for him, but I never felt any great stakes were involved.

That’s probably because our gullibility is constantly being tested. For example, is the flight of a horse off a cliff onto a speeding rail car amazing or amazingly stupid? Is a fistfight in a room full of nitroglycerin thrilling or poor planning? Your answers to these questions could determine how much entertainment can be gleaned from “The Legend of Zorro.”

Perhaps it’s time to retire or reinvent our masked crusader. Movie theaters are inundated with superheroes these days; the action is bigger, brighter and far bolder. Over the years, many long-running franchises – Spider-Man, Superman and Batman, to name three – have been re-imagined in a carefully constructed manner. The fresh perspectives of the post-Baby Boomer generation have added dimension to once static characterizations, allowing studios to produce enjoyable films with these superheroes. Zorro, in his simple mask, black cape and sombrero, has been a beacon of hope for disenfranchised Californians for parts of nine decades. Now I think it’s time for a new calling.