Family-friendly, but a bit too long

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004)
Buena Vista Pictures presents a Garry Marshall film, starring Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews. Written by Gina Wendkos and Shonda Rhimes and based a book by Meg Cabot. 115m. Rated G.

1 star

“The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement” is like a fluffernutter. It’s sugary sweet and easy to digest. But it’s lacking any real sophistication.

I’ve eaten my fair share of fluffernutter and I seen my fair share of mindless films, so a movie like “The Princess Diaries 2” doesn’t necessarily bother me. But it doesn’t excite me either.

Thankfully, I’m not the target audience for this female-friendly fare. I’m certain 9-13 year old girls will glean many more smile-worthy moments than I had, but even an old fogy like myself managed a couple chuckles.

In what I’ve largely assumed to be a rehash of the original offering, “The Princess Diaries 2” follows Princeton graduate Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway), who returns to the mythical land of Genovia - looking a lot like California - to assume her rightful position as princess.

But there’s trouble afoot in the person of Viscount Mabrey (John Rhys-Davies), who has beaten down Genovian parliament - with adequate amounts of huffing and puffing - into thinking a princess must marry before she assumes the throne.

The lines are clearly delineated. Twenty-one-year-old Mia represents a fresh perspective on old traditions, so it’s going to be no surprise two cinematic hours later when she talks of female empowerment and flying solo as Genovian ruler.

All “The Princess Diaries 2” has to do is to capitalize on the long-time dream of every pre-teen and tween: that someday their handsome prince charming will come and sweep them off their feet; that they will become real princesses themselves and that every trivial bauble and bead will be theirs to complement their shiny dress apparel.

Prince Charming is Andrew Jacoby (Callum Blue), Duke of Kennelworth. Or is he? In a plot lineage I’m able to trace back at least as far as 1993’s “Sleepless in Seattle,” Jacoby is the nice guy who still finishes last. The true chemistry comes from Lord Nicholas Deveraux (Chris Pine), who is the scheming viscount’s nephew and back-up heir to the Genovian throne.

In a G-rated arena, all plot devices - including the love interests, opposition and allies - are usually introduced within the first 10 minutes of the film. The question therefore becomes: What do we make of the final hour and forty minutes?

We certainly cannot rely on Garry Marshall’s plodding direction, which is desperately devoid of anything that isn’t already standardized, formalized and marginalized.

Audiences also can’t rely on B-plots that don’t feel like anything more than space filler. One in particular reveals a budding romance between Queen Clarisse (Julie Andrews) and her head of security, Joe (Hector Elizondo). Apparently, the subplot was devised by the two actors during breaks of the first movie to prove that romance at 50 years of age is still viable. I don’t think any 9-13 year old girl wants to be reminded of sexual affections from people her parents’ age, but that may just be me.

Mostly, I relied on the performance of Julie Andrews to keep the movie charming. Andrews - who has no doubt lowered herself by being a part of this interminable series - still presents her character with a heavy heaping of grace and poise, even when she’s doing something as silly as mattress surfing. I think I gave the movie an entire half star because it didn’t relegate Andrews to performing a hip-hop dance with Raven (nee Raven-Symone), or maybe because Andrews was wise enough to decline.

Although movies from the Pixar franchise and films like “Shrek” have long ushered in a new reign in kiddy fare - where the parents can actually laugh as much or more than the children - “Princess Diaries 2” is largely devoid of any such material. A sly reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern - two minor characters from “Hamlet” - is one of the few morsels of higher intelligence the movie provides.

My recommendation? Drop the tweeners off at the movie theater for two hours of mindless entertainment, but save yourself the price of admission.